Seeking His Presence by Teresa A. LeNeave;Does God intervene in a messed up life?
Teresa A. LeNeave
Does God intervene in a messed up life?
Know for certain that even in your worst moments, He knows where you are.
Gideon, and his little band of 300, were in hot pursuit of the Midianite army. Gideon’s warriors, though small in number, had the Midianites on the run … but they had worn themselves out from furious fighting. However, exhausted as they were, stopping was not an option. It would be certain death.
In this journey we call life, most of us have had times when we wanted to give up … times when we prayed and prayed and prayed, but God wasn’t listening. It’s when you beg God to do something, anything, but you hear nothing. You don’t understand why He won’t answer. You think something must be wrong with you. Why else would he not do something? You question, “Does God know where I am? Does he care what I’m going through? Does he know my life has fallen apart? If so, why doesn’t he answer?”
Many years ago, when I was just 19 years old, there was such a time for me. The only reason I would tell this story is because it might give someone else hope and the tenacity to keep fighting even when you’ve worn yourself completely out like Gideon’s army.
I was in a terrible marriage. I thought life was unbearable and it pretty much was. I prayed and read my Bible like I had been taught, but God didn’t seem to be listening. Things turned from bad to worse.
I prayed and I begged and I prayed some more for God to change my marriage. My husband was in the army. He drank and left me alone, a lot, with our tiny 6-month-old baby. When he came home it usually wasn’t going to end up pleasant. I had grown very jealous, which taught me a valuable lesson – that jealousy is as cruel as the grave - (Song of Solomon 8:6).
Night after night I cried and I prayed. I thought God wasn’t listening and I couldn’t understand it. One night my husband had left, telling me he was going on a two-week training camp. A few days later, his friends so kindly stopped by to let me know that wasn’t true. If he wasn’t home and he wasn’t at a training camp, where was he?
That night I was in the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and there in front of me, I saw my husband had a bottle of valium on the second shelve of that old metal and mirror medicine cabinet. I’d never taken a valium, but I knew a full bottle would end my life. I am telling you the absolute truth, my heart was so broken and I couldn’t think about anything but all the pain in my life. It wasn’t premeditated. I had never thought about killing myself before.
My tiny little baby never entered my mind. Leaving her alone never occurred to me. My parents, my friends or the fact that I was a Christian never entered my mind. I didn’t even think about God … all I saw was the valium and a way out of the pain that wouldn’t go away.
I remember reaching my hand into that rusty old-fashion medicine cabinet. Just as my fingers curled around that bottle, Tana let out the most blood curdling cry that you can imagine. Her shrill scream seemed to fill the entire trailer. Her scream was so loud, and sounded so life-threatening, that it jolted me back to reality. I dropped the bottle into the sink and ran into her room. I grabbed her out of the crib and buried my face next to her tiny little face.
Standing in that tiny pink nursery with just me and my little baby cradled in my arms, something happened. It suddenly dawned on me that God had been listening all the time and I knew, without any doubt, that God had used my baby to save my life. He knew where I was all the time. From then on I knew God was with me. It didn’t get any easier, but I could deal with it. From that moment on, I had a strength that I can’t explain even today.
Know for certain that even in your worst moments, He knows where you are.So when you ask me, “Does God intervene in a messed up life?” I can tell you, He absolutely does. Even when it seems like he isn’t listening, He is. He knows just where you are. Stopping is not an option.
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